Good day stranger, stumbled across our castle on your travels have you? The butler informed me of your arrival. This is the castle Sipifi and we don't recieve many visitors. Why? Oh, no reason...

Enter, enter, this is the grand hall in which you can can rest in discomfort, i mean comfort. Watch the dogs, they enjoy a meal of leg once in a while. Shall i give you a tour? To this side here we have our current record of proxies or shall we call them, escape routes and secret tunnels. Our family has it's enemies, i do hope you're not one of them or goodness knows what may happen to you... At the other side of the door here we have a program of the latest entertainments available in our stately home. As a well respected family we enjoy a selection of various entertainers and play things in our castle. Are you the latest entertainer by any chance? No? Shame, the last one dissapeared during the evening of performance. Very unfortunate...

Moving on, moving on! No, not that door, the master resides there and he appreciates only the company of myself. This one, down these stairs please, leading to the first dungeon. Don't be alarmed, it is not sinister, i assure you. As you can see, we store our methods of avoiding our enemies here. Do mind your feet on that bed of nails. When our ancestors first inhabited this castle it was named the Proxies. Hurry along, a guard patrols the area with loose guard dogs and we don't want you losing any fingers now do we? Up these stairs please...

Here we come to the central corridor named the Foone-Aye after the original inhabitants before Sipfi arrived. What happened to them? Oh, well, that's an interesting - oh look, our next part of the tour! These are the various portraits of family members and scenes throughout history, some are even quite amusing. I must admit i occasionally have a chortle or two in my spare time! However, master Sipifi keeps me busy most of the times and so i'm often occupied. Next on our tour is a room at cellar level once again, if you could just follow me down the staircase behind this tapestry. Watch your step, the stairs are well worn...

Here we have a room which holds a place close to my heart. Master Sipifi and i intended for this to be a game room for our children however we have, most unfortunately, not been able to conceive either heir or wench henceforth. You heard we had several children? Nonsense, nonsense, village rumours i'm sure, no children here! As you can see there is a variation of playthings in here which we constantly update just incase. Oh dear, do mind that cupboard door. I'll just close it. No, no, that wasn't a guillotene, don't be absurd, it's simply uh... the cooks equipment. Shall we continue?

Now we come to the final stop in our tour, follow me through this door please. Don't mind the door behind you, it's just the wind blowing it shut. What's that? There's no wind down here? True. But if you care to look back to me you will see that this cell door now between us is made of the highest quality metal available and i'm afraid you're now trapped. Do enjoy your stay won't you? Make yourself comfortable, it will be lengthy. Oh and before i leave, those behind you are the remains and near-remains of the current and past famous theatrical troupes which we have employed over the years. Enjoy the show. Good evening, the master is calling.